[And remember when your Lord proclaimed, “If ye are grateful, I will add more (favors) unto you; but if ye show ingratitude, truly My torment is terrible indeed.”] (Ibrahim 14:7)
[We bestowed wisdom on Luqman: “Show (thy) gratitude to Allah.” Any who is (so) grateful does so to the profit of his own soul; but if any is ungrateful, verily Allah is free of all wants, worthy of all praise.] (Luqman 31:12)
The Qur’anic word for thanks is “shukr.” It is mentioned in the Qur’an many times. Shukr is not only the way of good human beings; according to the Qur’an it is also the way of our Lord, our Creator
“It is the consideration of the favor and its acknowledgment. Shukr from the human means the recognition of the favor. Shukr from Allah means the reward and appreciation.”
Shukr is a very important principle in Islam. It is a quality of the believers and it is a source of all goodness. Shukr is used in the Qur’an sometimes as equivalent to faith. The faithful are thankful people and the unfaithful are ungrateful people.
Thankfulness creates many positive qualities in life. It makes a person happy, contented, hopeful and optimistic. Thankfulness takes away hate, anger, grudges and jealousy. Give thanks to someone and you will always see a smile in return. Thankfulness makes strangers friends; it can win even the hearts of the enemies. Thankfulness should not be only in happy times; it should be also in difficult times. Someone may say how a person can be thankful when he/she is in distress, difficulty, suffering and pain. We must, however, know that Shukr can change the difficulty. It certainly lightens the burdens of pain.
In Islam thanksgiving has two aspects: thankfulness to Allah and thankfulness to human beings. Thankfulness is not only a ceremony or festival; it is the whole life. The whole life should be lived in thankfulness to Allah who is our Ultimate Benefactor. We should also express our gratitude to many others from whom we receive benefits and services.
Allah has been good to us and so in our thankfulness we should worship Him and obey His commands and orders. Our daily prayers, our fasting during Ramadan, our Zakat and our Hajj are all our acts of thanksgiving. We should do them not only as duties; we should do them with an attitude of thankfulness and gratitude to our Lord and Creator. We should never forget that we are constantly under Allah’s favors and blessings. The Prophet –peace and blessings of Allah be upon him- was the most grateful servant of Allah. He taught us to remember Allah and give thanks to Him all the times.
The first feeling which comes with respect to thankfulness to Allah is that whatever we get is from Allah alone. He is the sole Owner of everthing. Everything originates from Him. Thankfulness to Allah in totality includes that we should be thankful from our tongue and the whatever we are getting should be used in a manner which pleases Him.
The practise of thankfulness is througout the life. There are huge number of benefits from Allah, like the air we breathe, which are very common and we get them without any effort for free. The feeling of thankfulness often dies down in a person for these benefits. The real Mo’min is the one whose tongue and actions are always filled with gratitude towards Allah for all benefits He has given.
The Prophet – peace be upon him – also said: “Those who do not thank people, they do not thank Allah.” (Al-Tirmidhi 1878)
We should be thankful to our parents. We should obey them, serve them and take good care of them when they need our help. We should thank our brothers and sisters, our relatives. We should thank our neighbors, coworkers, employers and employees. We depend on others and we owe many things to others. We must show our gratitude to every person in caring and thoughtful ways.
Introduction
For example – king of Yemen’s gown given to a Muslim Sahabah – Osama ibn Zayeed – dark – not pleasing to look – was wearing. By Allah, I, my dad and mom are better than them as I believe in Allah.
Muslim world being victimised by media – Afro American eg – we feel the need to justify ourselves – we have become defensive – Allah says we are Khaire Ummah – but we are asking for reservation – today’s speech is at the individual level – coz if every individual takes responsibility for himself, the society will change
Self psych
Self Psych is what u think abt urself, u perceiving urself as worthy and confident of coping with life’s challenges
Understanding oneself and having a positive self image is not just abt feeling good abt ourselves, its not child’s play.
Its not easy nor is it a quick fix
self esteem – the sky is the limit, u can always improve.. ideally all should enjoy high self esteem
Rewards – ur happy to exist – to wake up and live inside ur skin – ur successful at relationships – u feel less often the need to justify urself – ur choice of spouse, frds and colleagues are ambitious – ur more creative and innovative – ur work gets better – u function better
Self concept
Self concept – overall perception of our strengths, limitations.
self concept is destiny – eg. what income is appropriate for him… salesman eg.. eg of clerk to manager to ceo, self fulfilling prophecies – how we see ourselves determines our expectations – how we act – our results. eg. if i see myself as a winner, i put in as much effort as i can to live upto that and then more often than not i will achieve and then i say, how right i was. it holds true for the opp too.
Q? – r u working to ur optimal level, is this as high as ur meant to rise – maybe u cant even accomodate where u r now.. maybe because of the breaks that ur parents placed upon u when u were young.
Perceiving urself to be lovable – is it normal when someone tells u that he or she likes or love u or do u keep questioning people’s positive affirmations of u
Self concept reflects ambitions – self esteem at work – ppl set goals only as much as they think they can… sacrificing security for challenges
Passive resignation that we cant change – a great human sin. what i dont like abt myself ? – write it down… what do i want. what are my strategies and plans of action. is my behaviour in alliance with my purposes and strategies ? monitor the 3rd part, weekly, monthly, yearly. at work, at college, at marriage ? 2nd part – what to do, be specific. for eg. in marriage, not just things like be kinder to partner, but what to do to be kinder. better parent, what to do ?
Living consciously
Living consciously – the mind is our basic means of survival – success depends on how well we use our intelligence. the appropriate use of consciousness is not automatic. we can strive to know or not to know. we can wish to live in clarity or just happy to see a fog.
Living consciously – a commitment to awareness, living consciously is to take responsibility for the awareness of the actions we’re engaged in.
For example – between john and jim in work. understanding larger contexts. getting rid of security seeking, taking the initiatives
For example – not rocking the boat, reacting when they first arise. not permitting nonsense for a long time. u shud tell, i dont like this behaviour of urs. conscious initially in a relationship. not making their nonsense an accepted pattern. they wont behave the way we want. deeply, we dont want others to behave like us. we should respect individuality. but let ppl know ur discomforts. and sensitive ppl of high self esteem will react sensibly. inappropriate silence will lead to an unhappy relationship. it will live but unhappily.
Seeing too much might be painful for eg. at home – living consciously might be difficult. it can cause conflicts. they can see what others dont see. they might be able to understand whats goin on where the prob is and hence when they bring that out, they can be rejected. they want to belong and value acceptance above originality and choose to pretend to be unconscious.
Living consciously is to understand what brings me joy and sorrow. u might wanna quit a job that was once exciting and now not. honour ur wants and pay attention to ur impulses, but u dont necessarily always have to feed it.
Living consciously means to take responsibility for ur choices and actions. trying to understand what u overlooked when u failed. u r responsible for the effects of ur actions
No equal consciousness in all areas of ur life. eg – men – bring consciousness into work and less into family life. However, the Prophet was
The tragedy of living unconsciously – we feel wasted – we wud only be doing what is the bare minimum to survive. follow the music inside u. else u feel regret. ur irritated at life and feel we’ve not used our intelligence and creativity. look for outlets. else u might only motivate others to do the same.
Q? – what are the areas in which u live consciously..if i were to try to live consciously in particular areas..
Self Acceptance
Self acceptance – the challenge of living consciously; eg – looks – things that are within ur power to change. a lot of facts can be changed – but if we are busy fighting reality, we cant change – u cannot leave a place u havent been in – when u accept, u have the freedom to change…complaining is useless – dont permit an outlet that is not useful. however self esteem isn’t dependent on physical attraction. it is also a part of it.
Entering into a party – breathing into ur fears – am i afraid ? YES – but dont let it define u. – dont go unconscious – talk to it. – think of the worst imaginable things – it might not go away completely – but u will be better able to handle it. – we are larger than any one emotion. we are greater than our fears. u will be confident in one siutation and less confident in another. self acceptance dissolves anger.
Accepting reality, say for eg, our personal faults, does not mean that it is our final say on things unless we choose to define ourselves with it – we can work with reality and move forward. when we dont accept past behaviour which we regret, it is only probable that we will repeat it. then we can assess such behavior
Denying assets – can make us feel alienated and also give us the comfort not to take responsibility. eg for women – to even accept in our mind. maybe – that we are more intelligent or more active. individuation can be lonely and frightening and insecure
Changing in self acceptance leads to change in self esteem. ppl resist this as they start thinking, will my growth in self esteem affect my job, will it change the way i view my marriage. hence the current level of self esteem has manifested itself in all areas of life. and hence change in self esteem will also lead to changes in all areas of life. but it wont scare u when u really grow. the whole story will change and u will take methods to improve. eg – how many of u have frds now which u have at 10. so wud u not wanna grow ? growth is a fabulous and natural part of life
Guilt
The disapproval of ppl around u can create guilt. dont pretend to believe something u dont. whose standards are u judging urself by ? what do i believe abt this issue ? u can start condemning urself right now.. say for eg. nuclear family or joint family. leaving parents may be necessary. or the whims of one’s mother towards her son and her prejudice that his son’s wife should not be attended to too much by her son.
This doesnt suggest what one thinks is moral is always necessarily moral. Allah’s judgements should be the Muslim’s criterion too.
Pseudo guilt – guilt can be – ‘undealt with resentment’ – is a nice comforting reason not to change. why im angry, why im irritated, why im not loving or dont expect love.. i feel guilt of being fat ! protecting ourselves from a deeper challenge of change people who feel guilt keep repeating similar actions
When we behave in ways that contradict our value systems, we suffer from guilt
How do u deal with legitimate guilt ? how wud u treat ur frd if he came to u with mistakes that he regrets ? u wud not chastise him or help him justify his chastisements. u wont deny that whats wrong is wrong but u wud deal with compassion and help him understand why he did that and how that behaviour was appropriate for him at that time and that was the best thing to do at that time, yet not denying whats wrong is wrong
Dissolving guilt – regretting, feeling bad, seeking forgiveness to God, seeking forgiveness to the ppl affected and change. when we dont change our actions, we dont get rid of guilt. see urself changing in the future. very importantly, understand the context of ur sin, else u will keep repeating the mistake in a similar situation.
Surrendering to guilt is easy and suffering is easy. unhappiness is familiar. misery can provide its own kind of cosiness. happiness demands courage, discipline, consciousness and breaking stereotypes.
Generalising guilt – eg. im a social misfit. i dont know what to say. ppl in office always speak abt football. i dont have anything to speak abt it. it doesnt speak abt some innate deficiency. u can have interests different from them and permit urself to have different interests. eg2 – im a coward – i cant face a crowd. confidence in one situation may not be true in another
Guilt of assets – because – u may want to assume responsibility for the unhappiness of others, the unsatisfying lives of others is brought to their faces because they see ur excitement and passion. and u take responsibility for their guilt. belonging. u dont need to be boastful, u can however show ur excitement and happiness to the world. one reason, it isnt really urs, it belongs to God, and secondly u motivate others.
Relationships
The pain and challenge of leaving home for one’s destiny and self actualisation. u come back as a much complete person.. all growth entails leaving something for something better. leaving wombs – even that of a secured job that offers no more possibilities. making a fresh discovery for urself even if at the end u will agree for urself.
Good frds are compassionate but not self sacrificing. they draw lines. so do good parents and frds. they take care and send a signal, “this is how i take care of myself and this is how u shud take care of urself”. else they send a signal that they are self sacrificing and teach similar behaviour.
The more we work on ourselves, the more we are appropriate in our relationships. the more we respect ourselves, the more we are likely to respect others. we cannot give what we dont have. when we take care of our needs and chase our dreams, we find it appropriate when others do the same. when we have integrity, we inspire integrity in others. individualism is not the adversary of community but its most vital pillar.
Choosing the right frds – who wud nurture ur self esteem. the parable of the Prophet – blacksmith and the one who sells perfume.
Alhamdulillah..!! First session of Al Ma’roof Lecture series was organized on 6th June 2009 at Periamet, Chennai.
Br. Azeez Luthfullah gave a Lecture on Shukr (Thankfulness) and Br. Yasir gave a presentation on The Psychology of Self.
Al Ma'roof 
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